Chaos

My weight loss continues. I went to the gym on Tuesday and had my first weight-lifting day in a long time. I was so sore, though, that I didn’t go back on Thursday, and wanted to take an extra day Friday.

I plan to go back today (Saturday), and am okay with this, as the worst thing I can do now is injure myself.

The past week has been absolutely chaotic. I started leaning fairly heavily into an emerging eating disorder. A somatization had developed: when I would eat, I would feel violently sick a couple bites in. My food logs are a mess of tea-and-nothing, and my weight loss is probably unhealthy. The weight kept coming off, though, which gave positive reinforcement. A truly vicious circle, this. It looks now like I’m able to eat again, so this is good.

I’m losing at a rate of ~ 2 pounds per week, which is excellent, but I’ll need to be careful about eating enough food. I spent much of today sleeping, as this is something I’ve not been doing much of lately.

I’m eating. I’m sleeping. I think things are starting to improve against the backdrop of utter chaos.

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