Chaos

My weight loss continues. I went to the gym on Tuesday and had my first weight-lifting day in a long time. I was so sore, though, that I didn’t go back on Thursday, and wanted to take an extra day Friday.

I plan to go back today (Saturday), and am okay with this, as the worst thing I can do now is injure myself.

The past week has been absolutely chaotic. I started leaning fairly heavily into an emerging eating disorder. A somatization had developed: when I would eat, I would feel violently sick a couple bites in. My food logs are a mess of tea-and-nothing, and my weight loss is probably unhealthy. The weight kept coming off, though, which gave positive reinforcement. A truly vicious circle, this. It looks now like I’m able to eat again, so this is good.

I’m losing at a rate of ~ 2 pounds per week, which is excellent, but I’ll need to be careful about eating enough food. I spent much of today sleeping, as this is something I’ve not been doing much of lately.

I’m eating. I’m sleeping. I think things are starting to improve against the backdrop of utter chaos.

Mind Drives Meat

I feel decidedly wretched over the breakup. This has driven sleep and eating and, I suspect, the more recent phenomenon of feeling violenly sick after a bite or two of food. 

These are very bad signs, and proof that the mind shapes the body. 

Obvious Ketosis

I’m down ten pounds now.

I rode my bike to the gym, putting in a total of 3 miles. Unfortunately, I got caught up in asking how the machines could be adjusted and ended up doing just a bit of cardio today (walking on the treadmill … and biking, I suppose).

But I do have an appointment to start instruction (what they call personal training with unlicensed folks) tomorrow.

It’s pretty clear to me that I’m in full ketosis. I have no hunger drive any longer, and when I try to eat food–even delicious Indian food that my friend buys for me–I feel really sick after just a couple of bites. My nose tells me the food is delicious, but my stomach tells me that it wants no part of this. I’ll have to figure something else out; between sleeping a couple hours a night at best, and this, things are not going well here.

I’m on the “high-stress and tea” diet.

I feel compelled to point out: this is not something I’d recommend. This is how eating disorders get started. I just hammered down Indian food leftovers, rather quickly, hoping I would be able to food my system into taking more food in before feeling so sick. It seems to have worked. 

Fair Results Thus Far…

I am cautiously optimistic. 

I am down 7 pounds from when I started, about a month ago. Some of this weight loss may be water-weight, but there’s something promising here: my clothes (shorts and swimming trunks) are starting to fit differently. Where they would cut across me before, now they just … fit. 

Thus far, I have done three things:

  1. Bodyweight workouts for the first two weeks only—things got chaotic after this and I discontinued. 
  2. Significantly reduced my food intake; I worry about pressing up against starvation mode, but I seem to be doing okay thus far. 
  3. Worked to walk some every day. This comes in fits and starts, but I don’t have to walk 10,000 steps every day if that will make me feel terrible on days I do not; I have been walking between 1,000 and 17,000 steps most days, which is okay. 

It is my hope that Monday I’ll start working in weigt training, but we will see. I’ve been thinking this for a couple Monday’s now, but 5am is early!

Slug